I talked about addictions on BBC Radio 4

Here's what I didn't get to say

A couple of weeks ago, while I was away on my personal retreat, I was walking along a single lane farm track, trying to not scare an escaped sheep that was the wrong side of the fence, when my phone rang. It was a London number. Junk, I assumed. They left a message. How annoying! Now I’d have to call voicemail to delete the message.

Photo by Pixabay

It was actually an assistant producer from the BBC asking if I was interested in being a guest on Radio 4’s Beyond Belief, to talk about faith and addiction. I called back and said yes, and we chatted for about half an hour as he checked out whether I’d be a decent speaker or not.

We recorded on Wednesday. I was joining the studio by Zoom from my office and I was incredibly nervous. I could feel the adrenaline in my system. My heart rate was through the roof. I tried to reassure my nervous parts, “Yes” I told them, “It is important to do a good job, and that will be easier if I’m not quite so desperately anxious.” Thankfully, they settled a little as I waited for the recording to start.

You can listen to the show here: Beyond Belief - Addiction - BBC Sounds

When Satya and I listened to the show yesterday, the anxiety came back and I wanted to listen from behind the sofa. But as we listened, I was pleased with how I’d come across, and moved at listening again to the stories we were exploring. I was grateful to the editor for taking out some of my stumbles, and pleased such an important topic was getting aired on national radio. A topic that is sometimes talked about with a great deal of sensitivity and nuance in faith communities, and sometimes in ways that furthers the shame and guilt addicts already feel.

Coming away from that I wanted to share some thoughts on addiction (both in general and from a Buddhist point of view) here on Substack, which I’ve done below.

There’s more I could have said, but this post is already long enough. I do want to briefly mention something that I didn’t say on the radio. The main story on the programme was about a vicar addicted to pornography, but the responding guests (including me) spoke about addiction in general rather than pornography specifically. Pornography is a huge topic that I’m not going to address today, but if I were addressing it I’d want to allow for a sex-positive view of porn alongside acknowledging the harm it can lead to.

We are all Addicts

We all have self-soothing strategies. Some of these are more harmful and some are completely benign. I don’t know anyone that doesn’t have at least one self-soothing behaviour that also causes some harm. These habits create different amounts of harm, of course, and some are easier to see than others.

As a society we are addicted to resources. We are causing great harm to eco-systems, and to the climate and we’re struggling to turn this around. It is vital to be honest about this, in the way that it is vital for healing to be able to speak about all kind of addiction.

Separate Self

One Buddhist analysis of addiction is that all greed and hate arise from our feeling separate from ourselves, each other and the whole of the universe. This delusion of our separate self is seen as the root cause of all suffering, and greed and hate are responses to suffering.

Buddhism teaches that we are not really separate creatures. We are in fact like the jewels on Indra’s Net. This net hangs over the centre of the universe and at each point where the ropes cross there is a jewel. Each jewel reflects every other single jewel on the net. This reflection of all things is true for every single thing within the universe. I am reminded of Blake’s Auguries of Innocence:

To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower 
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand 
And Eternity in an hour

Some Buddhist teachers use the image of the ocean to help us get our heads around this idea. We are both the individual waves that rise and fall in unique ways, and we are the deep ocean where all is one.

Self Protection

Internal Family Systems - the mode of psychotherapy I practice - teaches that all addiction is self protection, and I find this to be true over and over again both in my client work and when examining my own compulsive behaviour.

If we are emotionally wounded and the pain is too great to bear the part of us that carries that pain is split off and exiled so that we don’t have to feel it. When is pain too great to bear? At times when we are not surrounded by a loving community that can support us to feel the pain without being overwhelmed.

That exiling is not a perfect system though. The wound longs to be healed. Situations in the present can trigger that pain to come to the surface. We are flooded with difficult feelings in those moments. Other parts of us have to work hard to keep that pain away.

Parts of us with addictive behaviours are usually parts whose job it is to get us away from that pain following a triggering event. At least they begin that way. They can also become anticipatory, from their point of view being in active addiction is better than feeling the pain.

We become like hungry ghosts, those spirits in Buddhism who have enormous stomachs, narrow throats, and mouths the size of pin holes; spirits whose hunger is never able to be sated.

A Buddhist monk meeting a hungry ghost

Healing

There are lots of different routes to healing, but they all have one thing in common. They involve connection and loving kindness. In my therapy practice I work with clients to support them to come into a compassionate relationship with their addictive parts. When we approach these parts of ourselves with no agenda, and no judgement they begin to reveal the part they have been protecting us from: the one carrying the pain. Then we make a connection with the pain. When we approach the wounded part without fear, and with loving kindness, the pain isn’t overwhelming and can be released.

The more the pain is healed, the less active the addictive parts become. This takes time, of course, but in my experience, when we approach ourselves and others with loving kindness we can take steps on our healing journey.

Healing and Faith

As a Pure Land Buddhist my main practice is nembutsu: saying the name of Amida Buddha (the Buddha of infinite light and life) and trusting that I am being received by their compassionate embrace. Like in 12 Step programmes, being connected to a loving power other than self is a great support.

Amida is one face of a loving and wise force that exists in the universe and also within each of us. Sometimes it is my own heart that is loving, and sometimes I am reaching out from a place of suffering to the Buddha’s loving heart.

Shame and Guilt

Some ways of thinking, both secular and from faith traditions, pile on shame and guilt to people in addiction. It’s important to recognise that addictive behaviour does cause harm to ourselves and others, and to take steps to mitigate that harm. And it’s also important to hold that in the light of understanding where addictions come from, and that we all have addictive tendencies.

Contrition is recognising that we have caused harm and is an important part of the healing and growing process. Shame is thinking that we are worthless, and gets in the way of healing.

If we believe we must be good in order to be loved, being in active addiction can easily lead to feeling unlovable, worthless, and full of shame. The more that we believe we are loved as we are, the greater the possibility of healing.

Existential Wounding and Healing

I want to circle back around to the Buddhist idea that our existential wounding is our sense of separateness. This is an important piece of the puzzle when working with all addictions, but seems particularly crucial when we examine our relationship with the planet.

The more we feel separate from the world, the more likely we are to keep taking from the world in extremely harmful ways. The more we understand at a deep level our fundamental connection to the world - we are human animals - the less likely we are to engage in those behaviours.

Systems change

Healing addiction can be difficult because we are embedded in systems that support that addiction. From the materialism that drives the global north, to poverty and the oppression of different groups of people. Work to change these systems is the other side of the coin to deepening our personal sense of interconnection.

Understanding that leaves me with this question: can we create a world where interconnection is understood and enacted across the whole of society and reflected in our laws and systems, as well as in our own lives and spiritual practices?

It's crucial that we head in this direction, at least, if we want to begin healing ourselves and the Earth.

Join the conversation and leave a comment, I’d love to hear from you.